30 things I learned before I turned 30

She's baaaaaaack!

Who knows for how long or how frequently I'll post, but I accidentally let my card get charged again for this website, so I'm starting to feel bad that I'm not using it. I stopped writing for a multitude of reasons, the biggest being that it didn't really bring me joy anymore. That was the whole purpose of this blog in the first place, and if you've followed me for any length of time, you know that I make the rules and that's the thing.. there are none. Once the charge hit my card, I thought about how maybe I would write at least one post a month and that would make me not feel so terrible about wasting that money, but here we are more than halfway through April with zero posts.. until now!!

I thought for a while what my first post back would be about. A catch up/recap style post? Finally publishing my train up the west coast travel blog? Transitioning from travel nursing to staff nursing? The first two semesters of NP school? Turns out I have more ideas than I realized I did, maybe those will be some of my future posts. For now, I am acutely aware of the fact that I turn 30 in less than a week (much less by the time I am publishing this!!). While many are not thrilled by the idea that a birthday means they are just getting older, I am really excited about my birthday. I always have been. My sister got a card with a message inside that has always resonated with me (and that I almost always mix up the wording on, maybe I should write it down more permanently somewhere), which will become the first thing on the list of 30 things I learned before turning 30.

1. There are only as many special occasions in life as you choose to celebrate. This kinda falls into my motto of chasing your happy and finding the joy in life. There is far too much crap going on in the world, why oh why are we bothering with skipping over the celebrations? I am a huge fan of celebrating the little things and absolutely love celebrating the people I'm closest with, especially on their birthdays.

   
   

2. Everyone is too focused on themselves to be bothered by what you are doing. Have you ever walked through the airport or cafeteria or mall and wondered if people are even paying attention to anything around them? Chances are they aren't. Think back to the last time you were at a restaurant or the beach or on the bus, tell me what the person next to you was wearing. Chances are you can't remember (unless it was something super cool and then I want to know where they got it from!). Chances are, you are the only one who is so worried by how you look in that shirt or what is going on with your hair. Don't waste so much time and energy worrying about what others think, it ultimately doesn't matter.

   
   

3. That one bad thing does not automatically equal the worst outcome ever. I am famous for letting my mind wander and catastrophizing (aka assuming the absolute worst thing will happen). I vividly remember crying in my car on the phone with my best friend because I did poorly on an exam in nursing school. I was convinced this meant I wouldn't be able to pass my NCLEX (the certification exam you have to pass in order to become a nurse) and here I am coming on my 8 year anniversary of being a nurse.

   
   

4. If it is important to you, it's important. This kinda feeds off both of the last two, and emphasizes the fact that just because a bad thing isn't the end of the world, that doesn't mean it's nothing. It's important and therefore it is, no justification necessary. This also goes for the good things, no matter how small! Sometimes people need a little bit of reasoning to fully jump on board, but ultimately, if it matters to you, it matters.

   
   

5. Life is just not that serious. I feel like these are starting to contradict each other, but a life of whimsy and laughter and smiles is just so much better in my opinion. I'm talking make a drink with fun shaped ice, buy the fun little trinket from the thrift store, add silly things to your reminders or calendar, whatever it takes to make you smile.

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   
   
   

6. Invest and save now. I know I just finished saying life wasn't serious, but even the unserious things cost money and even though some days I feel like money isn't even real, the rest of the world has declared that it is. There are lots of ways that investing and saving can look and they look different for everyone, but having a backup or emergency fund or money for the future has given me such a sense of security and has grown so much without me doing much work at all.

   
   

7. Tell your people you love them. Often. While life is serious, it can also be short. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. I have unfortunately witnessed this both in my work life and in my personal life, and there are some people who aren't here anymore who I don't think I go a day without thinking about. I wrote a whole post about this in my most read blog post a while back. We all need to hear we are appreciated and loved a little more often, especially if we aren't sure when we are gonna be able to say it to each other again.

   

   
   

8. Live life to the fullest. This was the second half of my most read blog post. I am always someone who is saying yes and am so happy to be fulfilled by experiences with others. The exhaustion is so worth it to me if it means I filled my days to the brim with all the best things and people.

   
   

9. You can't pour from an empty glass. Even though it is a blast to be going all the time and collecting all of the experiences, it's no fun if you're exhausted. I share this one liner with my patient's visitors all the time and have definitely learned to take my own advice more and more as I get older. I find that I can often slow down when I have my kindle in my hand, so whatever you gotta do or find to make you take a pause and recharge, do that.

   
   

10. Put "relaxing" on your to do list. Or couch rotting, or binge scrolling, or lazy day, or whatever you want to call it. As a type A, can't sit still kind of girly, I often need permission to take a beat and rest. Saying it is easy, but sometimes I find myself feeling defeated when I say I've done nothing during a day, but sometimes, nothing is what I need to do. Burning the candle at both ends only adds more light to the room for so long.

    
    

11. Light the fire, but keep the hose nearby. Essentially, take calculated risks. The adventures happen outside of your comfort zone, but you want to see tomorrow to be able to have another adventure.

    
    

12. Take yourself on dates. If you don't like yourself, how can you expect others to? I also feel like it is so important to get to know yourself and be comfortable enjoying your own company. Your relationship with yourself is debatably the most important one you will ever have.

    

    
    

13. Have a plan B... and maybe C. Things in life rarely go exactly to plan. Adaptability and flexibility are hard to sit comfortably in sometimes, but when you have a backup plan or two, you can be more comfortable in the idea that something might go wrong.

    
    

14. Laughing is actually the best thing ever. The cliche that laughter is the best medicine is truthfully so accurate. Keep the people who make you laugh close to you and spend time with them often. I often joke at work that I laugh so I don't cry, but I also love laughing so hard it brings tears to my eyes- something that happens almost every time I'm with my sisters.

    

    
    

15. Have a good cry every once in a while. This one is science based, a good emotional cry can release cortisol, the stress hormone, which is why you feel better after a good cry! I often joke with my youngest sister that I could be in the most positive points in my life and in the best mood, and I will almost always choose the sad girl music, so if you need some good music to cry to, I've got a playlist or two I can send ya.

    
    

16. Don't settle for anyone who loves you even the littlest bit less than you deserve. Romantically or friendly. You deserve to be absolutely totally and completely adored and if you aren't, leave. This is a hard boundary that you have my permission to hold solid on.

    

    
    

17. If anyone tells you you're too much, tell them to go find less. These are words I will forever live by. I have been told by too many people in my life that I am too loud, too talkative, too energetic, too [fill in the blank], and I have learned to stay true to who I am and let others find what they deem is the right amount of noise, talking, energy, etc.

    
    

18. Let them. Then leave them. We are not out here rewarding bad behavior and we simply will not be disrespected. Boundaries are there for a reason, and if you keep moving the boundary, there will eventually not be one anymore. Friends will come and go, relationships might end, jobs don't last forever, that's okay. You never know what might come next.

    
    

19. It matters less what your intent was and more how it was perceived. I have been on both sides of this expression. How often do we hear "well, thats not what I meant!" and let it be synonymous with sorry. That is not quite a valid apology in my opinion. It is sometimes a valid thing to include in giving perspective and showing that there might not have been any ill intent, but if someone is upset in response to your words or actions, that matters.

    
    

20. All feelings are valid, but not all behaviors are acceptable. This is something I've seen on tiktok in a parenting suggestion, in the sense that kids are allowed to be upset, but they can't be mean. A lot of times I feel like my patients are just big toddlers, but this extends beyond just my patients. As an empath, I feel for people and can often see where they are coming from, but that does not always justify their actions. There are healthy ways to deal with big feelings, and those should be the behaviors that we choose.

    
    

21. You are only responsible for your own reactions. You cannot control what someone else does or says, you can only control how you respond to it. External factors can influence and play a role into your reactions, but you have full responsibility in those reactions.

    
    

22. Assume good intentions. While we're not rewarding bad behavior, we're also not assuming ill intent from coworkers, friends, partners, family. If you are hurt by something, talk about it. Jumping to conclusions ultimately gets us nowhere and then you're mad at someone for something they didn't even do or mean. Trust your gut, but don't create an argument out of a one sided storyline.

    
    

23. You can suck but you cant skip. I saw this in a tiktok video once and it resonated so much with me. If you are struggling to start a habit and feel like you don't have enough time or energy or supplies to do it every day, just do it a little. You want to work out every day, but you're tired and don't know where to start? Just do it for 15 minutes. You want to start reading, but you just want to scroll on your phone before bed? Just do it for 5 pages. Next thing you know, those 15 minutes or 5 pages have turned into 30 minutes or 10 pages and now you're that much closer to your goal.

    
    

24. Go touch some grass. Whenever the work day feels too heavy, or the homework is too daunting, or the day is just too much, I always find I am in a better mood if I step outside. Granted, this is more fool proof of a plan if the weather is nice and the sun is shining, but sometimes even in the cold of winter, the crisp air is enough to snap me out of a bad mood.

    

    

    

    
    
    

25. Enjoy being / be where your feet are. Different words, same meaning. I've had "enjoy being" as a widget on my phone home screen for quite a long time. We are so go go go in this world-- I for sure experience that all the time... but I have learned to appreciate the here and now much more as I get older.

    
    

26. Be careful who you vent to, because vents open up into other rooms. This is a metaphor I've liked for a while. I think it is especially important to be careful when you vent in writing aka over text, you have no idea how texts can get misconstrued or how they can get into the wrong hands with just one screenshot. You never know who else can hear you and how your words may impact them.

    
    

27. Sometimes people want a listening ear and sometimes they want a solution. And sometimes that someone is me. I don't always want a quick fix, sometimes I feel better just by speaking something into existence and getting it out of my brain. I haven't physically journaled in a while, but I do always like to get my thoughts out of my brain whether its on paper or here on the blog or just out into the void. Feels better than carrying it around with me all the time, and I am often so validated when I am asked if I want a listening ear or a solution.

    
    

28. Be you.. authentically, completely, totally, everyone else is taken. The world is a better place with you in it, and exactly the way you are. We can all find ways to better ourselves every day and form healthier habits and be nicer to ourselves and the world we live in, but at the end of the day, you are the you you should be and that is absolutely perfect.

    

    
    

29. Make someone smile everyday, but remember.. you are someone too. I often ask my coworkers how they are going to be nice to themselves when they get home from a chaotic and exhausting shift. That looks different for everyone, and can look different from day to day. When I got dumped, I made a "season of Alex" single girl bingo board and included things like finding a new sunset spot, or walking a new trail, or making bouquets from trader joe's flowers. The bingo board was a nice gimmick or way to add fun to the process, but now these are things that I am including in my weekly routines (and may or may not be sharing them with a new special someone hehehe). I think the world would be a better place if we were all just a little nicer to each other and shared a little more smiles.. sometimes just in the mirror to ourselves.

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

    

30. There is always something more to learn. I thought this was an appropriate one to end on, a nice transition for if I end up doing this again or really just kind of the tone I want to set for this next decade. I have started NP school, I am learning more about myself- personally, professionally, relationally.. learning what I want for a future for myself and the people closest to me. I am learning more about things I never thought I would know so much about. The world is so grand and full and we occupy such a small percentage of it, I hope my 30s bring me so much learning and love and light.

I maybe should have added a disclaimer at the beginning of this post that this was not meant to be an advice post or something that I thought everyone should learn right now or should have known-- or even that I wish I had known sooner, I learned all of these things because of specific interactions, people, opportunities. I am a different version of myself than I was 10 years ago, and I am a different version from what I will be in 10 years, and that is so incredibly exciting to me.

I know this was a long one to jump back into, but I guess I felt like I had to make up for lost time.. Who knows when exactly I'll be back next, but until then, go admire a sunset for me.